Parents Can Unlock Valuable Life Lessons From Dungeons & Dragons

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When I was growing up in Keller, Texas, I used to play Dungeons & Dragons with my friends. My older sibling took on the role of the dungeon master every time, while I played as a wizard known for casting fireballs even in tight quarters.

After the pandemic struck years later, I began instructing my son along with 15 other children from our neighborhood in Kansas City, Missouri, on how to engage in the tabletop role-playing game. Gary Gygax co-created in his basement back in 1974. I served as their Dungeon Master, the individual responsible for crafting the narrative and leading the players through the fantastical realm.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I turned to Dungeons & Dragons as an engaging pastime, which quickly evolved into my favorite method of parenting. Ethical debates often emerged throughout extended campaign sessions typical of these games: Do the players choose to converse with the tavern keeper or decide to loot his place instead? Were the children going to become murder hobos—a term describing adventurers prone to attacking and killing others without reason?

Shelly Mazzanoble wasn’t astonished that Dungeons & Dragons aided my parenting skills. She makes a similar argument in her upcoming book, " How to Be a Parenting Dungeon Master "A Handbook for Transforming Childcare into an Adventure, Enhancing Your Parenting Abilities, and Cultivating Future Explorers," set to release on November 12.

Mazzanoble stated that dungeon masters showcase some of the finest qualities humans can possess," he explained. "They are highly generous, remarkably kind, extremely cooperative, and very open-minded. Additionally, they often sport the most stylish gear.

On the 50 ^th To celebrate the anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons, I spoke with Mazzanoble to discover how moms and dads can use insights from the game in their parental approach.

This discussion has been slightly modified and shortened for better understanding.

GudangMovies21: In what ways do the responsibilities of a dungeon master compare to those of a parent?

Shelly Mazzanoble: Dungeons & Dragons is a cooperative narrative adventure, with you taking on the role of the Dungeon Master guiding players through uncharted territories. Honestly, I can't predict how things will unfold. My job is simply to ensure everyone stays protected, enjoys themselves thoroughly, and faces challenges without feeling overwhelmed. That element of unpredictability is precisely what excites Dungeon Masters and terrifies some parents. Just continue forging ahead as the Dungeon Master.

When my child was around 5 or 6 years old, I realized that if I could adopt similar qualities as a parent, I would do a much better job at it. It suddenly dawned on me why not approach parenting like a Dungeon Master approaches a Dungeons & Dragons game? What’s stopping us from viewing parenting as a cooperative adventure? Could our experience together also become an evolving narrative between us?

Where Should a Parent Begin? - GudangMovies21

Mazzanoble: Begin with session zero, where the group assembles initially with the game master. During this meeting, discuss the kinds of characters each player wishes to portray.

A session zero for parents follows a similar concept. Gather those who'll support you throughout your parenting journey. Discuss what it signifies to parent as a team. Consider your objectives: how do you envision raising this child? What methods of discipline will you use? It's surprising how often people admit they've never discussed simple things like whether to allow pacifiers or decide on disciplinary actions such as timeouts versus grounding.

GudangMovies21: When you mention that everybody should act as a giving team player, what exactly do you intend to convey?

Mazzanoble: I really like the concept of collaborating. Even though I'm not playing a rogue—a Dungeons & Dragons class recognized for being cunning and stealthy with tools like a bag of tricks—I won’t attempt picking the lock myself. Instead, I'll assist the rogue by either keeping an eye out or diverting attention from a guard using one of my impressive magical stunts. The rogue needs this backup. In turn, they’ll help me, who is the group’s wizard, by staying clear so I have enough space to throw fireballs without worrying about them.

Involve your kids who are part of your life in discussions and let them participate in making certain decisions. As they develop, offer them independence and ensure you back them up along the way.

GudangMovies21: Raising children can feel quite lonely at times. Where did you discover your co-adventurers for this journey?

Mazzanoble: Locating your parenting community is essential. These individuals understand what you're experiencing and won’t mind if you fail to reply to their messages. You can spend time with them and even bring along your child. They truly comprehend where you're coming from.

Your nearby hospital may direct you towards various meetups and groups or point you toward early childhood intervention programs. Certain cities offer new parent support groups, which you could also consider joining. This way, you're expanding your circle of parental connections.

GudangMovies21: It might feel daunting for first-time parents. We often critique ourselves excessively. What steps should we take to rally and continue parenting through another day?

Mazzanoble: You view failures as chances to write a fresh narrative. You work on removing the stigma around failure. I likely encounter setbacks numerous times each day when interacting with my child, but am I truly failing, or simply understanding him better? It turns into a fascinating chapter of your personal history that was previously unknown.

GudangMovies21: Can you explain what sandbox framing is, and how this concept relates to both Dungeons & Dragons and raising children?

Mazzanoble: It embodies the concept that despite the presence of disorder, there is still order within that chaos. It's like crafting your own world step by step.

As a parent, how do you maneuver through that sandbox environment? An effective sandbox team simply places various toys in the sandbox and then steps back, pondering which ones their children will choose to play with and what imaginative scenarios they'll create. Your role is to steer that narrative.

This holds true in parenting as well. You've built this environment—a secure area for your child to discover new things. All elements within the sandbox are sanctioned. They're safe. You relax and observe how their voyage will unfold before them.

As the guardian of the sandbox, your role involves both adding elements and removing obstacles—ensuring everyone has fun and learns in the process. The aim is for them to develop a sense of control over their lives, which unquestionably is a vital habit and skill that parents must cultivate.

GudangMovies21: The children of today will encounter difficulties that their parents didn’t have to deal with. Could role-playing assist in equipping them with the necessary abilities to thrive?

Mazzanoble: Regardless of whether we're playing Dungeons & Dragons or not, we often engage in role-playing. This method helps me teach my son about empathy. I prompt him by asking, "How would you handle this scenario? Imagine being a student at school who doesn't have many friends." He responds, saying, "It feels awful; I dislike having those feelings." Consequently, the following day, he may approach another child at school and invite them to join for lunch.

In Dungeons & Dragons, it functions well because he has the opportunity to observe the outcomes of his decisions. Everything revolves around actions and their repercussions. This allows you to encourage your children to understand how they leave a mark on the world and how their selections can impact others, influence various aspects, and shape their future paths.

Shannon Carpenter is a writer and the author of the book " The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad and he is a married father of three.

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