150 Hilarious Quotes That Will Have You in Stitches

Nothing sparks a hearty chuckle quite like a perfectly timed jest. dad joke or funny quote.

Thanks to comedians , celebrities, movies And with TV shows, there’s a never-ending collection of humorous lines ready to be shared whenever you need a hearty laugh.

For example, you likely recall Chandler Bing’s (Matthew Perry) iconic quip, “I’m not big on giving advice; perhaps a snarky remark would be more appealing?” classic “Friends” quote , after all.

Or as comedian Rodney Dangerfield famously said in his iconic one-liner, “As a child, my parents moved a lot , yet I always managed to find them."

If witty remarks appeal to you, you'll adore this extensive compilation of humorous quotes encompassing various comedic fundamentals such as family, employment, existence, growing older, finances, and nearly every other aspect of life that benefits from a good laugh.

In the collection of humorous quotes listed below, you will come across a diversity of statements. laugh-out-loud sayings From your preferred stand-up comedy performances, movies, and famous individuals like Dolly Parton , Robin Williams and Steve Martin.

If laughter truly is the best medicine Consider these humorous quotes as your prescription for endless laughter in the near future.

Funny Quotes

• " Whoever determined the standards for the elevated pathway and what height it should reach ought to be terminated." — Sandra Bullock
• Stay composed and wield your wand." — A.W. Jantha, "Hocus Pocus & The All New Sequel
• "Did you ever observe that people driving slower than you are considered idiots, and those who drive faster are seen as maniacs?" — George Carlin
• “If I haven’t returned after five minutes, feel free to wait even longer.” — Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”
• I prefer keeping my money within sight, so I hang it in my closet." —Carrie Bradshaw, "Sex and the City
• “The anticipation is killing me. Let’s hope it never ends.” — Willy Wonka, “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”

• "Why do they refer to it as rush hour when nothing actually moves?" — Robin Williams
• "Don't be too modest — you aren't that remarkable." — Golda Meir
• "If being kind isn't an option, then try to be ambiguous." — Judith Martin
• There is only one thing worse in the world than being discussed, and that is being ignored." — Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray
• "Always forgives your adversaries; nothing irritates them as much." — Oscar Wilde
• "In everyday life, I can tell you with certainty, algebra doesn't really exist." — Fran Lebowitz

• "Immediate satisfaction takes too much time." — Carrie Fisher
• "Embrace your true self. Except if you're a serial killer." — Ellen DeGeneres
• "Whoever claimed that money cannot bring happiness probably just wasn't aware of where to shop." – Bo Derek
• “Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes. Thus, you’ll end up a mile away with your own pair of shoes.”
• I'm not good at giving advice—how about I offer you a snarky remark instead?" — Chandler Bing, "Friends
• "I'm tired of chasing after my dreams, you know? I think I'll just find out where they're heading and join them later." — Mitch Hedberg

• I would enjoy staying here and chatting with you...but I won’t." — Phil Connors, "Groundhog Day
• “Love is all you need. However, an occasional piece of chocolate surely won’t harm either.” – Charles M. Schulz
• Everyone says that money isn’t the secret to happiness, but I’ve always thought that if you possess sufficient funds, you could get a key crafted.
• "I'm not bothered by blonde jokes since I am aware that I'm not unintelligent… and I also realize that I'm not actually blonde." —Dolly Parton
• "It's pointless to expect someone to stick to what they say when they're passionately infatuated, intoxicated, or campaigning for an election." — Shirley MacLaine
• I recall it as though it happened just now. Naturally, my recollection of what occurred just yesterday isn't very clear." — Dory, "Finding Dory

• The challenge of maintaining an open-minded approach is undoubtedly that individuals will eagerly try to fill it with their own ideas." —Terry Pratchett, "Diggers
• “Describing you as unintelligent would offend dull individuals! I've encountered livestock capable of outsmarting you. I've had gowns with greater intellect.” — Wanda, “A Fish Called Wanda”
• "People who believe they know everything are quite bothersome to those of us who actually do." — Isaac Asimov
• "The reason I converse with myself is because I am the only person whose responses I acknowledge." —George Carlin
• I'm not superstitious… but I am a bit stitious." — Michael Scott, "The Office
• “Consider this: Why do we never hear of a headline such as ' Psychic Claims Lottery Victory'? ” — Jay Leno

Funny Family Quotes

• "I'm certain that wherever my dad might be, he's watching over us from above. He's not gone; he's simply being quite patronizing." — Jack Whitehall
• “Before marrying someone, you should let them use a computer with slow internet to truly discover their character,” said Will Ferrell.
• "I want to have a child, but I'm uncertain about dedicating a decade to continually questioning where someone left their shoes." — Damien Fahey
• "I desire for my children to possess everything I couldn't afford. Afterward, I wish to relocate and live with them." — Phyllis Diller
• My spouse and I were immediately smitten with each other. Perhaps I ought to have looked twice." — Halley Reed, "Crimes and Misdemeanors
• "When my children get rowdy and difficult, I place them in a secure playpen. Once they calm down, I let myself out." — Erma Bombeck

• "When I was young, my folks relocated frequently, yet I invariably managed to find them." — Rodney Dangerfield
• "As I discovered during my upbringing, you don't cross your grandma." — Prince William
• I'm not crazy; my mother had me evaluated." —Sheldon Cooper, "The Big Bang Theory
• "I adore being married. It's wonderful to discover that one particular individual who you wish to irritate for the remainder of your days." — Rita Rudner
• "Quality parenthood involves nurturing your child's tomorrow, hence I'm setting aside funds to purchase one for my kid a hoverboard in the future." — Lin-Manuel Miranda
• "Everyone thinks they know how to bring up kids, except those who actually do." — P. J. O’Rourke

• "When your kids reach their teenage years, it's crucial to own a dog so that at least one family member is glad to greet you." — Nora Ephron
• "You can fool everyone, but not your sister." — Charlotte Gray
• "I usually steer clear of temptation unless it becomes irresistible." — Mae West
• "There isn't anything that qualifies as entertainment suitable for the entire household." — Jerry Seinfeld
• If you can't eliminate the family secret, you might as well let it prance around." — George Bernard Shaw, "Immaturity

• The other evening, I dined at a rather pleasant family restaurant. Each table was hosting some form of debate." — George Carlin
• The gentleman who claims his spouse lacks a sense of humor overlooks the fact that she married him.
• "Love may be blind, but marriage certainly provides a sharp wake-up call." — Pauline Thomason
• “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
• Everyone wishes to preserve the planet, yet no one offers to assist their mother with washing the dishes." — P.J. O'Rourke, "All the Trouble in the World
• "The most effective method to encourage many husbands to take action might be suggesting that maybe they're getting too old for it." — Shirley MacLaine

Funny Movie Quotes

• "Startled, Eddie? Even if I found myself waking up tomorrow with my head stitched to the carpet, I wouldn't be more astonished than I am at this moment." — Clark Griswold, "National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation" (1989)
• I'm not sure how to say this, but I sort of consider myself somewhat significant." — Ron Burgundy, "Anchorman
• Oh, this is your spouse? What a charming woman. Hi there, darling, you look great. I bet you were quite the catch back in the days without electricity." — Al Czervik, "Caddyshack
• Based on the map, we've only covered four inches." — Harry Dunne, "Dumb and Dumber
• I notice you're having 1% milk. Is that because you believe you're overweight? Because you aren't. If you prefer, you could go for whole milk instead." — Napoleon Dynamite, "Napoleon Dynamite

• I'm serious — and don't call me Shirley." Dr. Rumack, "Airplane!
• I apologize for making you vomit and feel inferior just because we are attractive individuals." — Hansel, "Zoolander
• I want to apologize. I'm not even sure which way those words just went." — Megan, "Bridesmaids
• She went off about how I didn't listen to her, or something like that. Honestly, I wasn't really focused." — Harry Dunne, "Dumb and Dumber
• The football team at my high school was quite formidable. Following their sack of the quarterback, they targeted his family." — Thornton Melon, "Back to School
• You're not like your father. He was so persuasive he could even convince a woman wearing white gloves to buy a ketchup pop!" — Richard Hayden, "Tommy Boy

• Every action of yours annoys me. Even more so when you're absent, because the tasks I anticipate you will undertake upon your return also annoy me." — Oscar Madison, "The Odd Couple
• There are just two things that I cannot bear in this world: Individuals who show intolerance towards others' cultures and the Dutch." — Nigel Powers, "Austin Powers in Goldmember
• I expected mothers to be kind, gentle, and patient. Even loan sharks seem more merciful compared to you. Sir isn't deceased; ma'am, he's simply in hiding." — Gus, "The Ref
• No one sticks around indefinitely, no one at all. Yet thanks to advancements in contemporary science and my substantial earnings, it isn't entirely absurd to consider the possibility of reaching age 245, perhaps even hitting 300." — Ricky Bobby, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
• Your mom was a hamster, and your dad smelled like elderflowers," said the French soldier from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Funny Quotes on Aging

• "People ask me, 'What’s your secret for staying so youthful?' I usually respond with, good illumination, skilled professionals, and quality cosmetics." — Dolly Parton
• "You realize you're aging when the candles become pricier than the actual cake." — Bob Hope
• My mother frequently remarked, 'As you age, you only improve. That is, unless you're a banana.'" — Rose Nylund, "Golden Girls
• "You realize you're aging when you bend over to lace up your shoes and think about what else you might accomplish while you're already low to the ground." —George Burns
• "People often tell me, 'But Betty, Facebook is an excellent tool for reconnecting with past acquaintances.' However, considering my age, if I wish to reach out to former friends, I'd probably need a Ouija board." —Betty White
• “Remember this golden rule for life: whether dealing with plastic surgery or sushi, always avoid being lured by a deal that seems too good to be true,” says Graham Norton.

• "I came across a study stating that addressing a group of people ranks as the top fear for an average individual. The second biggest fear was death itself. So, according to this, when attending a funeral, most people prefer being inside the casket instead of delivering the eulogy." —Jerry Seinfeld
• "Growing old is similar to anything else. You must begin early in life to achieve success at it," said Theodore Roosevelt.
• "You realize you've hit middle age when your doctor advises you to slow down rather than the police." — Joan Rivers
• "Life is enjoyable. Death is calm. The difficult part is the changeover." — Isaac Asimov
• "As you age, three things occur. The first thing is that your memory starts fading, and I can’t recall the other two." — Norman Wisdom
• health enthusiasts might laugh at themselves one day, ending up in hospitals sick from lack of anything serious.

• Make sure you attend others' funerals; otherwise, they might not show up at your own." — Yogi Berra, "When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball’s Greatest Heroes
• "I was taken aback as I began to age. I always assumed that aging was something that happened to others." — George Carlin
• "The key to maintaining youthfulness is living with integrity, eating at a moderate pace, and not revealing your true age." — Lucille Ball
• "Age isn't significant unless you're dealing with cheese." — Luis Buñuel
• "It has to be somewhere near forty; apparently, that's when you're 'past your prime.' I have no idea what that signifies or why it should be considered negative. Whenever I hike and reach the top of a hill, it indicates I've made it through the challenging section and am about to enjoy a treat. As far as I'm concerned, this is definitely a positive outcome." — Ellen DeGeneres
• "Nature uses death to say, 'Your table is ready.' " — Robin Williams

Funny Nature Quotes

• There isn’t a dawn so splendid that it’s worthy of rousing me from sleep to witness." — Mindy Kaling, "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
• “A day without sunlight is similar to nighttime, you know.” — Steve Martin
• When someone asked me what book I’d take with me if I were stuck on a deserted island, my answer was: 'How to Build a Boat.'” — Steven Wright

• "I enjoy lengthy strolls, particularly when undertaken by individuals who irritate me." — Noel Coward
• "Never walk down someone else's path. But if you're in the forest and you've lost your way and come across a trail, then feel free to follow it." — Ellen DeGenerals
• "It was incredibly lovely that I just stayed home and watched 'Law & Order' for four hours." — John Mulaney
• “Before criticizing someone, try walking in their shoes. Then, by the time you criticize them, not only will they be far removed from you, but you'll also have ended up with their footwear.” — Jack Handey

Funny Quotes About Life

• My talent for transforming positive updates into stress is matched only by my knack for turning that stress into chin blemishes. Tina Fey , “Bossypants”
• Life keeps getting spoiled by reality." — Bill Watterson, "The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
• Even though I might want to leave, my timetable doesn't permit it. At 4:00 PM, indulge in feeling sorry for myself; at 4:30 PM, gaze into nothingness; then from 5:00 PM onwards, fix global starvation but keep quiet about it; followed by a session of Jazzercise at 5:30 PM; next, have dinner with me – I cannot miss this event again; finally, battle against feelings of worthlessness starting at 7:00 PM… My day is fully scheduled." — The Grinch, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas
• "Occasionally, you find yourself lying in bed at night with absolutely nothing to fret over. This invariably concerns me!" —Charlie Brown
• "When I find myself in social settings, I often keep my drink in hand. This gives me a sense of comfort and security, plus I can avoid shaking hands." —Larry David

• "My buddies say I've got an issue with closeness. However, they truly don't understand me." — Garry Shandling
• "People won't be able to upset you if you don't allow them to." —Mike Bechtle
• People spend their time debating if a glass is half empty or half full. For me, I simply drink what's in the glass." — Sophia Petrillo, "The Golden Girls
• "Allocate some of this weekend’s time for home improvements; also work on enhancing your mindset towards your family." — Bo Bennett
• "Between the ages of 8 and 18, my family and I frequently relocated. Usually, we were merely stretching, but sometimes someone would rise to head for the refrigerator." — Jarod Kintz

• "Take life less seriously; after all, you can't escape it permanently." — Elbert Hubbard
• I went mad, with extended periods of terrifying lucidity.
• Before you conclude that you're dealing with depression or low self-worth, ensure that you aren’t simply surrounded by jerks.
• My therapist thinks I'm scared of achieving success. I suppose this makes sense since meeting my full potential would definitely eat into my lazy-time. — Maria Bamford
• The optimist asserts that we inhabit the finest of all potential universes, whereas the pessimist worries that this might indeed be the case.

• Why can't you simply be supportive of me and discuss your concerns with others after you leave, as most people do?" —Lillian Donovan, "Bridesmaids
• "Never try to compete with the Joneses. Pull them down to your level instead. It’s more economical." — Quentin Crisp
• "I informed my physician that I had fractured my arm in two locations. He advised me to stay away from those areas." — Rodney Dangerfield
• I'm not insane; I've simply had a terrible disposition for 40 years." — Ouiser Boudreaux, "Steel Magnolias
• "Occasionally, the proper reaction to reality is to lose your mind." — Philip K. Dick
• "I never feel lonelier than when I'm attempting to apply sunscreen to my own back." — Jimmy Kimmel

Funny Work Quotes

• Each morning when I wake up, I check the Forbes list of wealthiest Americans. If my name isn’t on it, I head off to work.
• "I adore deadlines. I enjoy the rushing sound they make as they whiz past." — Douglas Adams
• "I'm consistently tardy when arriving at the office, however, I compensate by departing earlier." —Charles Lamb
• "I enjoy working; it captivates me. I could observe it for hours without end." — Jerome K. Jerome
• "When a man claims he became wealthy through hard work, respond with: 'Whose?' " — Don Marquis
• "Go ahead, proceed slowly. I am well aware of what a thrill that gives me." — Miranda Priestly, “The Devil Wears Prada”

• Many individuals put in barely sufficient effort to avoid being dismissed and earn just enough compensation to prevent them from resigning.
• “Making an attempt is the initial move towards failing,” said Homer Simpson from "The Simpsons."
• "Work is the most important thing in life, hence one should always keep some tasks for the next day." — Don Herold
• Through consistent dedication of eight hours each day, you might someday reach a position where you'll end up working 12 hours daily.
• "The only things you truly require in life are lack of knowledge and self-assurance; then success is guaranteed." —Mark Twain
• "If it’s a quality script, I'll take it. And if it’s a poor one, but they offer sufficient payment, I'll still consider it." — George Burns

• "Intense effort has never harmed anyone, but why risk it?" — Edgar Bergen
• Adults constantly ask children about their aspirations for the future because they hope to gain inspiration from their responses.
• When you excel in something, people will notice and spread the word. But when you're truly exceptional at something, others will be compelled to share your achievements.
• "If initially you fail, keep trying. Afterward, stop. There’s no point in acting like a complete idiot." — W.C. Fields
• "The finest manner to value your employment is to envision yourself without it." — Oscar Wilde
• "When uncertain, appear wise." — Garrison Keillor

• "Any person is capable of accomplishing various tasks, as long as those tasks aren't what they're expected to focus on at the time." — Robert Benchley
• "Bosses are most content on Mondays, whereas employees find Friday brings the greatest joy." — Mokokoma Mokhonoana
• An office is a space for living life intensely, fully. It’s also the spot where aspirations become reality." —Michael Scott, "The Office
• Sound decision-making stems from experience, and experience often arises from poor decisions." — Rita Mae Brown, "Alma Mater
• If you believe your supervisor lacks intelligence, keep this in mind: Without them, someone more capable would likely fill your position.
• A frequent error individuals commit when attempting to create something entirely foolproof is underestimating the inventiveness of total idiots. — Douglas Adams

• "The only spot where success appears before work is in the dictionary." — Vince Lombardi
• "If diligence is the secret to achievement, many individuals would prefer to bypass it." — Claude McDonald
• “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” ― Bill Gates
• "When I was young, I aspired to become somebody. Only now do I understand that I should have been more precise about who that somebody ought to be." — Lily Tomlin
• "Being idle is quite challenging...it’s difficult to determine when you have truly done nothing." — Leslie Nielsen
• "I may not be the most intelligent person around, but I have the ability to choose really wise teammates." — Franklin D. Roosevelt

• "It's simply a profession. Grass grows, birds soar, waves crash against the shore. My role involves striking others." — Muhammad Ali
• "It's unfortunate that a person can dedicate just those eight hours solely to working. You cannot spend those hours eating, drinking, or making love. The one activity you're left with during those eight hours is work." —William Faulkner
• "Never delay until tomorrow what can equally be postponed until the day following." —Mark Twain
• "If you had to pinpoint in a single term the primary obstacle preventing humanity from reaching and failing to reach its complete potential, that term would be 'meetings.' " — Dave Barry
• Everyone claims that nothing is off-limits, yet I accomplish nothing each day." —A.A. Milne, "Winnie-the-Pooh
• No one precedes their destined moment—unless the supervisor departs ahead of schedule.

This piece was initially released on GudangMovies21