This Mom Defies Expectations by Living with Her Grown Kids, Joining a Growing Trend
During my teenage years in a standard U.S. suburban area throughout the 1990s, there was a well-defined path everyone seemed to follow: Once you reached 18, you were supposed to go to college or find employment, but regardless, you had to move out of your family home — permanently.
The reason to return home often involved significant life changes such as unexpected pregnancies or serious health issues. Should you choose to remain at home or relocate only to come back later, it would bring about feelings of embarrassment not just for yourself but also for your parents. Having a young adult reside in the basement was seen as "failing to become independent."
I was surprised during my time as an exchange student in Spain when my host family presented their accomplished and employed 20-something cousin, who proudly lived with her parents in an apartment in Madrid. This cohabitation wasn’t seen as embarrassing; rather, it was quite typical and usual.
In the ensuing decades, though, this situation has grown more common in the U.S. — and simultaneously gained greater acceptance. According to recent data, over fifty percent of individuals aged 18 to 24 currently reside with their parents. census data . This number has been slowly rising since 1980. (It spiked during the pandemic but has since gone back down.)
Money matters significantly impact modern life. With stagnant salaries and skyrocketing house prices, numerous households find themselves adopting multi-generational home setups out of necessity. Additionally, escalating tuition fees result in many graduates facing unprecedented levels of student loan debts upon completion. Returning to live with their parents can serve as a strategic approach either to settle these educational loans faster or accumulate funds needed for purchasing homes, potentially making this choice viewed more positively rather than being perceived negatively.
Parental perspectives are also evolving. "More and more parents believe it’s their duty to assist their kids in getting settled without adopting the 'sink or swim' attitude after they reach 18 years old," Caitlin Slavens , a psychologist from Alberta, informed gudangmovies21.
Staying at home may assist younger individuals in investigating various career paths. Robert Roopa A clinical psychologist based in Ontario shared with gudangmovies21, "Being forced to move from their homes might place individuals in an unstable position, potentially making it harder for them to discover jobs they love or want to pursue." Roopa explained this viewpoint.
Example in Question: Viral TikTok Mother Lori Meo
A mother from Rhode Island has been gaining notice online lately due to her straightforward and unabashed perspective on coexisting with her grown-up kids.
In a video She shared on TikTok that Lori Meo discusses letting her "grown-up kids," aged 22 and 24, reside at home indefinitely.
"As long as they continue to follow the rules, show respect, and work diligently, they have the opportunity to remain here indefinitely," Meo states in the clip.
She talks about her rules concerning overnight visitors and whether to pay "rent," stating that she permits the former but doesn’t insist on the latter, acknowledging that some people may have different opinions about these decisions.
"Ever since they reached 18 years old, they can have their boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night anytime," explains Meo in her video.
She told gudangmovies21 how this rule was established. "We began having overnight stays because my son's girlfriend resided around 40 minutes away, and it appeared unwise for either of them to drive so far late at night." Once her daughter became involved with someone seriously, the practice was already well-established.
Meo said she wouldn’t allow overnights for “casual dating,” but otherwise simply doesn’t care.
"They are grown-ups, and I don't want us staying together to make them leave home prematurely," she stated.
Although certain parents request their grown kids to contribute rent, Meo decides against it. "If they weren't putting in effort and saving funds or striving to make good choices," she explains in the clip, "I might think about changing my stance."
Meo informed gudangmovies21 that she stays well-informed about how her children manage their finances due to regular discussions on the subject. "Our dialogue regarding money matters is quite transparent," she explained. "I assist my son with his investment choices, and we all work with the same financial advisor."
She expanded on the monetary details from the video, clarifying that her children cover expenses such as car insurance and cell phone bills, with "one of them also handling a truck loan." Furthermore, the youngsters contribute to the upkeep of the farm where they reside.
The children put in a lot of effort assisting with the animals and maintaining the property," Meo stated. Extra assistance is provided by Meo’s mother, who resides with them. "Our household includes three generations," she explained, further mentioning, "My son’s partner is considered part of our family and is treated accordingly.
'I Was Astounded By The Number Of People Who Supported My View'
Although some individuals expressed disagreement with Meo’s rules and reasoning, the overwhelming majority of the numerous comments posted by TikTok users have been positive and supportive.
“Sounds good to me,” wrote someone with prior experience raising children while under public scrutiny Rosie O’Donnell .
I was astonished by the number of people who supported my viewpoint," Meo stated. "Individuals from various nations mentioned that my actions are considered standard practice.
Other commentators mentioned having comparable rules for their grown kids.
Although these setups may be effective for numerous families, parents ought to make certain their children bear some level of responsibility, according to Vanessa Scaringi, a licensed psychologist. Calm Counseling .
"I encounter many 'failure to launch' individuals in my practice. Permitting grown children to stay at home without any form of responsibility significantly hinders their ability to develop essential life skills," Scaringi explained.
When parents pacify their children out of fear of exacerbating their difficulties," she elaborated, "the children never learn how to endure discomfort.
She mentioned that charging rent can be complicated because "it's unclear when exactly this should start and how much it should be." However, there are numerous alternative methods for children to contribute, including assisting with other family bills or taking care of chores at home, similar to how Meo’s offspring pitch in with their farm animals.
Regarding hosting overnight visitors, Scaringi recommended establishing some restrictions. "Adult children might perceive themselves as grown-ups, yet parents won't feel exploited. I've observed guidelines such as limiting overnight stays to specific weekdays."
When limits and expectations are established and mutually accepted, multi-generational living arrangements can be quite successful. "Staying at home could provide them with the liberty to assume responsibility for their lives until they're prepared to move out," Roopa explained. This period might involve eliminating debts, completing educational programs, or saving up for a house purchase. Additionally, Roopa noted that sometimes grown children require assistance in acquiring essential life skills like budgeting, bill payment, and adhering to deadlines.
I come from an Italian background and have witnessed numerous instances where my kin in Italy lived at home with their families for long durations," Scaringi stated. "This coexistence is marked by mutual respect, and there’s also the understanding that individuals will leave once they feel it's appropriate.
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