How Friends Can Help When Grieving the Loss of a Pet

PARIS (AP) — The grief from losing a pet can still come unexpectedly even after several months.

It could be realizing once more—after countless times before—that the house seems desolately quiet following the passing of your cat, missing the soft sound of little feet padding around. Alternatively, it might happen when tripping over your late dog’s leash and recalling how it would invariably spark joyous wagging tails.

Grieving pet owners might feel even more isolated if the people around them aren't sure how to offer support, possibly due to never having gone through this experience themselves. had pets themselves or feel uncomfortable around grief.

In what ways can pet owners and their companions cope better Regarding pet bereavement? Specialists in pet loss suggest the following approaches:

Acknowledge that feeling bad is typical.

For some grieving owners, pet loss can feel worse than a human death. That doesn’t make them monsters. Instead, it reflects the potential depths of human-animal bonds.

For certain individuals, a pet represents their primary relationship, "the creature they encounter daily, perhaps one that shares their bed, and snuggles with them on the sofa," explains E.B. Bartels, who wrote " Heartfelt Love: Embracing Our Furry Friends, Both in This Life and Beyond ."

She notes that some individuals find themselves more at ease around animals than humans. Consequently, the loss of these connections can be extremely hard for them.

Offer a sympathetic ear

Individuals who haven't felt the bond with a pet might find it hard to grasp the pain of losing one. When they offer comments like, "It was only an animal," or "They had a very caring owner," their intentions might be good, but these common sayings could cause bereaved pet owners to withdraw and feel isolated.

"You feel as though you cannot discuss it since people aren't truly showing empathy," explains Annalisa de Carteret, who oversees a telephone hotline and various pet loss support services for Blue Cross, a U.K.-based animal welfare organization.

“She suggests letting that individual speak about their feelings without offering commentary.”

Avoid clichés like, "'Oh, you can get another pet' or ‘He had a good life, he was a good age,’” she says. For the owner, “that doesn’t make you feel any better, because you knew all of those things. You just feel sad and just want someone to listen and to understand.”

Bonds can run deep with any kind of animal

Another tip: Don’t assume that an owner’s grief is commensurate with the size or type of animal they lost, or the length of time they had them. The death of for instance, a pet lizard , can be as distressing for some individuals as losing their most adorable pet for others.

My buddy's father owns a koi pond, and he adores those koi," Bartels explains. "But he was devastated when a raccoon sneaked in during the summer and wiped out all of his koi. Some folks might say, 'Eh, they're just fish.' However, he had genuine affection for these particular fish.

She proposes that friends can provide tangible assistance: A bereaved pet owner who no longer has a furry incentive to go outside might value an invitation for a stroll accompanied by a human friend instead.

People genuinely sense they're losing their community," Bartels states. "Each day, when you wake up and take your dog to the park where you meet the same group of individuals regularly, these folks become part of your social circle. Therefore, should you find yourself without a reason to go anymore... what you've actually lost extends far beyond just having a pet.

Grief frequently intensifies after losing a pet.

Up to 30,000 people contact Blue Cross each year for pet-loss support . Many aren’t simply sad but also are fearful that they may somehow have been responsible for their animal’s death or disappearance, de Carteret says.

“Guilt is a really big part of pet loss,” she says.

They might think, 'Oh, if I had acted differently perhaps they would still be alive for a little more time,' or if their children were taken: 'If only I hadn't placed them in the garden.' Or, 'Is there anything else I could have done to alter what was unavoidable?'

For grieving pet owners who experience greater distress over losing an animal companion than a human family member, this can lead to additional feelings of guilt, according to de Carteret.

It’s actually quite common," she states. However, "saying it seems incorrect, doesn’t it? And individuals prefer not to discuss it.

Could acquiring a new pet be helpful?

Possibly. But it's not a magic bullet. Each animal has its own personality and a new one won't necessarily fill the void left by another. And if your previous pet was full-grown, you may no longer have the patience for kittens' litters or puppy-training again.

Bottom line: Grieving can't be truncated. The sadness and memories can be lasting.

Bartels lost her dog, Seymour, last June.

"I'm certain I'll face a difficult time once again in June, which marks the one-year anniversary since we had to euthanize him," she states.

Carteret has her pet's remains beside the hearth, where he used to love sitting.

“She thinks some folks might find that odd," she remarks. "Still, that’s my approach... You need to discover what works best for you."