Boys Without Dads: New Report Sounds Alarm on Growing Crisis

Harley Watson was headed down a pathway he refers to as a "gangster" lifestyle.

The teenager, who is 17 years old and hails from Clacton in Essex, was described as a "lost and troubled youth," having spent his life without a father figure.

I acted quite poorly at school, and had I continued, I likely would have faced expulsion.

His experience is reflected in a new report , which says young men who lack a positive male role model are in crisis.

The CSJ report discovered that fatherlessness substantially affects boys' mental well-being, educational outcomes, and future opportunities.

At 14 years old, Harley became part of Lads Need Dads, a nearby initiative aimed at providing boys with essential life skills and boosting their self-assurance.

Female mentors collaborate with small groups consisting of eight boys each, instructing them on forming healthy relationships, managing their anger, and understanding what qualities make up an excellent father figure.

Harley mentions that it transformed his life. He acquired skills to look after himself and "evolve into a better man."

"Now they are supporting me to join the Army," he adds. "They've bought me the kit and helped me meet the right people. It's a career path I wouldn't even have looked into but I'm really excited by it."

Sonia Shaljean, who leads the organization, mentions that she recognized Harley's significant potential from the start, despite his initial state of being "fairly withdrawn" upon joining their team.

She believes fatherlessness is a key factor in issues from crime and addiction to school exclusions, homelessness and male suicide.

"It's not taken seriously enough," she says. "We skirt around the issue, and it's almost controversial to say it, but boys need a supportive father figure.

"Some people are offended by our name - Lads Need Dads - but I stand by it. We're not taking away from the importance of a mother, but that male influence is also important.

"Ultimately, we're helping women and girls too by raising boys who are more emotionally intelligent, stable and secure."

What information does the Lost Boys report contain?

• By the time they reach 14 years old, nearly half of first-born children no longer reside with both biological parents, as opposed to just 21% in 1970.

• Boys are now statistically more prone to having a smartphone than cohabiting with their father.

• Boys are facing challenges in education, being at higher risk of suicide, having lower chances of securing steady employment, and significantly greater odds of becoming involved in criminal activities.

• As the traditional male figure at home becomes less common, younger men are searching for alternative forms of masculinity, exemplified by polarizing figures such as social media celebrity Andrew Tate.

• Lawrence Dallaglio, the ex-England rugby union captain, supported the findings, saying, "Our neglect of conventional male values has become so reckless that we risk abandoning an entire generation."

Source: CSJ - a conservative research organization dedicated to addressing poverty issues.

I have to take action to change this pattern.

Sonia, a mother of three young men, points out that some boys raised in violent households may develop fear towards men. Therefore, she emphasizes that having positive male role models is essential.

We collaborate with them within the same team for as long as eight years, allowing genuine friendships to develop and turning it into something akin to a family.

Our groups exhibit remarkable diversity. The notion that paternal absence is solely a concern for specific communities is mistaken.

She points out that not every father chooses to be absent.

Many loving fathers unfortunately left us too soon. Other young men faced abandonment from their dads, yet numerous others wish to actively participate in raising their children and some battle severe depression, including contemplating suicide because of these challenges.

At around the eight-month point in the program, the boys frequently begin discussing their fathers, she mentions.

As their self-assurance increases, some individuals become eager to investigate the potential for reconnecting, and numerous people proceed to rebuild a relationship with their fathers.

Ten years ago, Sonia established Lads Need Dads with an initial funding of £4,000. She had spent over two decades working at the forefront of criminal justice, dealing with addiction, domestic violence, and homelessness.

I repeatedly observed a devastating trend — numerous men trapped in loops of criminal behavior, substance abuse, and despair. Almost invariably, these individuals shared a similar experience from their upbringing: lacking a father figure or a supportive male mentor.

“I felt compelled to act. We must offer a service to these boys; otherwise, we won’t be able to break this cycle,” she states.

'I was lashing out at everyone'

About 250 boys have been helped by the organisation.

Charlie Howlett, 19, says it saved his life when he joined six years ago.

His mother had died when he was a two, leaving his father to bring him and his younger brother up alone.

"My dad didn't take it too well and it wasn't the best situation growing up," he adds.

The brothers moved in with their nan and aunt a few years later, but still remained close to their dad until he died suddenly from a blood clot when Charlie was 12.

Charlie attempted to remain resilient for everybody and assume the role of a father figure. However, he admits, "I couldn't handle it. I began venting my frustrations on everyone around me and even considered ending my own life."

He mentions that Lads Need Dads has provided him with an "incredible" amount of support.

"I thought I was the only person going through it, then I met this group of boys my age who were also growing up without a dad.

"The mentors were a huge part of it for me. You grow to trust them like your own dad."

Sonia and her team supported Charlie three years ago when his nan, who he was still living with, also died.

"They have helped me be a better big brother and I think that has kept him on a good path too," he adds.

Sonia helped Charlie get a plumbing apprenticeship and, for the last year, he has also been mentoring boys on the programme.

"The sense of fulfillment from knowing I’m contributing is tremendous. I find pieces of myself reflected in each one," he remarks.

The organization Lads Need Dads operates a reading mentoring program in primary schools and plans to launch a new initiative in September. This pilot project will involve male educators delivering a three-month intervention focused on Year 7 boys for the very first time.

Despite its impact, Sonia says Lads Need Dads is struggling for funding.

"It's so frustrating because I feel like we have this blueprint that works that could be rolled out nationwide, but I have to turn away mothers who don't live in Essex, who are desperate for help for their sons."

Sonia says society has to believe in boys like Harley and Charlie, and help them reach their potential and break the cycle of fatherlessness.

As for Charlie, he says he wants to carry on plumbing, see more of the world and continue mentoring boys. But his ultimate wish is to be a father.

I'm excited to become a father. It’s the only thing in my life that I’m completely sure I desire. My aim is to be the greatest dad around.

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• https://www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/library/lost-boys