Hilarious Marriage Jokes That Every Couple Will Laugh At

If there's one pair that understands the formula for a successful marriage, it's them. Ree and Ladd Drummond . Juggling life between managing a ranch, raising a family, and preparing some of the most delicious homestyle dishes imaginable, The Pioneer Woman keeps herself busy with all these endeavors. Marlboro Man has been portraying marriage as equally sweet, amusing, and thoroughly entertaining for more than two and a half decades.

It could be Ree affectionately teasing Ladd about his traditional cowboy habits, or Ladd showing that romance might just boil down to preparing a delicious meal perfectly. Their bond beautifully mixes tenderness with humor. As Ree once shared, “Throughout our marriage, I've cherished all the gifts Ladd has bestowed upon me, yet what truly warms my heart is seeing him burst into laughter because of something I do.”

Sure, every marriage has its share of funny instances—given the amount of time spent together, it’s inevitable to engage in some side-splitting arguments (often about topics such as if they really have to tackle the most challenging path whose turn it is to prepare the coffee) . But regardless of whether they're good-naturedly bantering back and forth on television (have you checked out their fake snake pranks ? 😂) or sharing cute and frequently amusing insights into ranch life, these two individuals are couple goals .

Therefore, in recognition of the Drummond family and all pairs who maintain laughter as an integral part of their bond, simply continue scrolling to enjoy some top-tier wedding jests and amusing quips. marriage quotes To ensure you're chuckling all the way to your upcoming anniversary!

Witty Marriage Jokes

• Getting married is simply about planning for dinner when you're still enjoying your breakfast.
• People often say that opposite personalities tend to be drawn to each other—his tranquil nature contrasts with my high-energy, jittery spirit fueled by constant coffee consumption.
• Our relationship thrives on affection, caffeine, and the agreement that there can never be an excess of butter.
• They inquired whether I believed in love at first sight. Absolutely—I experienced it when I laid eyes on the dessert menu.
• Getting married means understanding that "I'll do it in a minute" doesn’t really have any sense of timing associated with it.
• Wedlock allows you to irritate one particular individual for the remainder of your days. Make the most of that opportunity whenever possible.
• My spouse mentions I am overly competitive. I informed her that I was well aware of this.
• As a wise person famously stated, "I have no idea... you should probably ask my spouse."
• Marriage provides significant insights into your own nature—such as discovering that I am capable of sleeping comfortably even when confined to only two inches of a king-sized bed.
• In our household, everything operates through collaboration—where I handle cooking, he takes care of eating, and the children sometimes assist with washing the dishes.
• In our marriage, we promised to share everything — with the exception of the final piece of pie. This is absolutely not up for discussion.
• I thought I had wed someone who didn’t snore. It turns out, they simply waited until after we finalized everything.
• True love is seeing them munch on the charred bacon you mistakenly passed their way without uttering even a slight grumble.
• Prior to getting married, I was unaware of just how intense people can get over loading the dishwasher incorrectly.
• The saying goes that opposites attract, which is evident in our dynamic where one person enjoys crafting recipes while the other savors devouring them.
• Marriages are said to be made in heaven. Similarly, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
• Every time my wife packs me a salad for lunch, I can’t help but wonder what I might have done incorrectly.
• At every gathering, you'll find two types of individuals: those eager to leave and those not ready to call it a night. The tricky part is, these two often happen to be spouses.
• The sole child among yours who doesn’t mature and depart is your spouse.
• My spouse mentions that I rarely pay attention... or at least that's what she claims.
• I adore being married. It's wonderful to have found that one extraordinary individual whose habit of stealing the blankets I sleep under makes me smile every day for the rest of my life.
• I strolled down the aisle and uttered "I do." And I have been sticking to it ever since.
• Every married individual ought to leave their errors behind, as there’s no benefit in both parties dwelling on the same issue.
• Marriage involves providing support, similar to keeping the ladder stable for them as they put up Christmas lights... in April.
• Getting hitched means understanding there’s a 50/50 probability that your spouse neglected to put a new roll of toilet paper after finishing the last one.
• People often describe love as being patient and compassionate, yet at times love can simply be about dividing the final portion of steak between us without dispute.
• Whenever my spouse mentions, "I'll take care of it later,” I understand that she means ‘once I’m done with this chapter, or film, or entire show.’
• In our marriage, each delightful moment starts with a cup of coffee—unless he neglects to prepare it. In such cases, the day kicks off with stern looks instead.
• Sure, what would you like me to share about the bridegroom? I've known him for roughly a decade; he's good-looking, smart, amusing, and magnetic... my apologies, this must be the incorrect ceremony.
• If forced to pick between a spouse and footwear, I'd go with my shoes every time. They usually endure more and can be easily swapped out for new ones.
• My spouse and I always reach an agreement. I acknowledge my mistake, and she concurs with me.
• I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months... I don't like to interrupt her.
• I inquired of my spouse what she desired for Christmas. She responded, “The thing that would bring her utmost joy is a diamond necklace.” Hence, I opted to buy her absolutely nothing.
• What method do you use to recall your wedding anniversary? Miss it one time.
• I mistakenly gave my husband a glue stick instead of lip balm. He hasn’t spoken to me since then.
• Marriage is akin to a roller coaster ride. There are highs and lows, yet it's invariably entertaining to let out screams of joy.
• A guy had his credit card snatched, yet when prompted to file a report, he declined stating that he wasn’t bothered since the culprit was splurging far below what his spouse typically spent.
• I told my wife to accept her errors. In response, she embraced me with a hug.
• My spouse and I frequently share viewpoints. I enter with mine and exit with hers.
• Marriage is filled with unexpected twists, but it often boils down to repeatedly asking, "Must you do that at this moment?"
• They extended their contract for yet another year.
• My spouse mentioned wanting some excitement. I suggested he use the spicy sauce!
• When you see a sharply dressed gentleman, what can you immediately deduce? His spouse has excellent taste in clothing.
• Getting married is somewhat similar to stepping into a bathtub filled with warm water. Eventually, you adjust to the heat.
• I've been with my spouse for more than 25 years, but they can still frustrate me endlessly. Fortunately for them, I happen to be quite skilled at finding our way around.
• If a guy holds open the car door for his spouse, you can bet on one certainty: either the vehicle is brand-new or the lady has been replaced with someone else recently.
• My spouse asked me to cease mimicking a flamingo. I had to draw the line!
• Marriage occurs when a man and woman unite as one. However, the challenge begins when they attempt to figure out what that means for each of them.
• Marriage is all about teamwork; I come up with the ideas, and my wife ensures we follow through with them!
• Recall, affection may be oblivious, yet matrimony can truly sharpen one's vision!

Humorous Wedding Quotes and Aphorisms

• "I am wed to an exceptionally peculiar individual; perhaps only someone quite unconventional would have agreed to marry me." —Fiona Shaw
• In every successful marriage, it can be beneficial at times to turn a deaf ear. — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• "The greatest thing I ever managed to accomplish was convincing my wife to wed me." —Winston Churchill
• "Marriage consists of two individuals who are ready to vow that solely their partner is the one who grumbles in their sleep." —Terry Pratchett
• "I wed out of love, yet the undeniable advantage of having a partner to locate my spectacles shouldn’t be dismissed either." —Cameron Esposito
• "Each of us has our own quirks, and life itself is quirky too. When we encounter someone whose eccentricities match well with ours, we come together and embrace our shared peculiarities—calling it true love." —Robert Fulghum
• " Marriage is a union between someone who always forgets anniversaries and another who consistently remembers them." — Ogden Nash
• "The problem with certain women is that they get overly enthusiastic over trivial matters and end up marrying him." —Cher
• "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" —Jim Carrey
• "I can't make you love me, but I can stock up on your favorite treats for the pantry and provide you with an allowance of $75 each week." —Rob Delaney
• "Out of all the ways one can navigate life, only a few are simpler than love. Yet, why would anyone opt for easy?" —Mary Oliver
• “I asked my husband, ‘Where would you like to go for our anniversary?’ He replied, ‘Someplace I’ve never visited before!’ I suggested, ‘What about the kitchen?’” —Henny Youngman
• “I feel torn whenever my husband takes care of the laundry. Part of me appreciates him doing it, but another part worries because my clothes could fit in GAP Kids.” —Molly McNearney
• Certainly tie the knot; should you find yourself with a virtuous spouse, happiness will follow. Should your luck not favor you with such a partner, you might just end up as wise as a philosopher.
• "Keep in mind that building a successful marriage is akin to tending a farm; you must begin anew each day." –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• "Husbands and wives can be quite annoying. However, without them, whom would we hold responsible for losing our socks?" —Janet Periat
• "A friend recently informed me that the secret to a successful marriage is to have arguments naked." —LeAnn Rimes
• "Could marriage be seen as an ongoing process where two individuals alternate handling the garbage, each waiting for the other to fold and take out the trash first?" —Monica Hesse
• "Complaining with others can be enjoyable. There isn’t much that unites us quite like collectively grumbling about other individuals. This shared activity may bind us closer than almost anything else does," says Lew Schneider.
• "The most effective method to encourage many husbands to take action is to imply that maybe they're too elderly for it." –Anne Bancroft
• "Secretly, my husband reduces the temperature on the thermostat, but I covertly raise it again. Both of us strongly deny having anything to do with it. Our marriage is quite entertaining." —Stephanie Ortiz
• "Marriage should be between people of similar ages; when your attractiveness diminishes with time, his vision might also weaken." —Phyllis Diller
• "To maintain the overflowing affection in your marriage, remember: when you're at fault, acknowledge it; when you're correct, stay silent." —Ogden Nash
• "The primary role of a man is to shield his partner from her tendency to want 'bangs' haircut every alternate month," says Dax Shepard.
• " Marriage isn’t merely about spiritual connection and intimate moments; it’s also about having dinner together every day and making sure to take out the garbage." —Joyce Brothers

Silly Puns About Marriage

• Why did the bee tie the knot? Because he discovered his honey.
• Our love is not meant to be unraveled.
• What do you call two spiders that just tied the knot? Newly-webs.
• Did you hear about the two love-struck bedbugs? They tied the knot in the springtime.
• Dine, imbibe, and wed.
• Are you aware of why the king of hearts wedded the queen of hearts? They were ideally matched.
• Happily ever laughter!
• The wedding brought out strong emotions in everyone, even the cake had multiple layers!
• This may come across as cliché, but I'm incredibly grateful. Life tastes like gouda with you around!
• Two antennae bumped into each other atop a rooftop, developed affection for one another, and tied the knot. The wedding wasn’t elaborate, however, the celebration afterward was top-notch.
• You're the missing piece to complete my equation and total sum.
• What do they call a cantaloupe that isn’t permitted to wed? It can'telope.
• To butter or bust, here’s a cheer for the newlyweds!
• Once she informed us that her fiancé was an author, we understood she had met her match with Mr. Right.
• The two pianists enjoyed a successful marriage. They were always in harmony with each other.
• Words cannot express how much you mean to me. It’s a whole lot more love!
• The dentist possessed robust fillings intended for his wife.
• An aisle will echo with "I do" a thousandfold.
• You're the breadwinner of my life and my better half; we're truly in sync!
• And they lived happily ever after with an abundance of apples.
• Don't go backin' my heart!
• Why did the bride switch her surname? Because it sounded delightful.
• At what point should one tie the knot? I'm not sure, what would you suggest?
• Until death does us part.
• To chuckle and to embrace!